Humour (category archive)

Psychic predictions reviewed

You might recall that in January of this year Australia’s psychic of the year made some predictions for 2009. It’s now December, and I thought I’d take a look back at the year that was and see how Stacey Demarco’s predictions have faired.

1. Was Barack Obama assassinated?

The witch was concerned about the possible of an attempt on the lives of Barack and Michelle Obama (and, as she helpfully notes, she’s “not the only one in the spiritual community who thinks that”). Both Barack and Michelle Obama are fine. Prediction failed.

2. Kevin Rudd “may be beset with a serious, even fatal heart problem”.

It’s been 321 days so far and The Kevin Rudd Chronometer of Valour is still ticking—and so is his heart. Kevin Rudd, who has a pre-existing heart condition (he received a cardiac valve transplant in the early 1990s), is fine. Prediction failed.

3. Is Malcolm Turnbull the Prime Minister?

Malcolm Turnbull is not the Prime Minister. We haven’t had an election. This question and the next may not have been meant for this year in particular, but that’s what the Today Tonight segment was about, so that’s how I’m rating them. For now: Prediction irrelevent.

4. Is Julia Gillard the next female Prime Minister?

See above. Prediction irrelevent.

5. Did house prices stop falling after six months?

This really doesn’t seem like the kind of field a witch ought to be concerned with, but nevertheless: in the first quarter of 2009, house prices fell 2.2%, but in the second quarter, they increased 4.2%. For the prediction to be accurate they should have kept falling in the second quarter and risen in the third, but I’m going to be generous, since she’s clearly not very good with handling timeframes to begin with. Prediction successful.

6. Was August the nadir of the economic crisis?

I’m lazy, so I’m just going to go by the unemployment rate, which peaked at 5.9% in July and was about the same (5.8%) in August. If this witchcraft business doesn’t work out, maybe this woman could become an economic statistician. Prediction successful.

7. Did Slumdog Millionaire, Mickey Rourke, and Kate Winslet win the Oscars?

The psychic of the year’s predicted winners for Best Picture, Best Actor, and Best Actress were, funnily enough, generally considered favourites even by those without psychic powers. She was right on two counts, but was wrong about the Best Actor, which Sean Penn got in a surprise win. Now, if she had picked that one, I’d be impressed. Prediction failed.

The final score: ignoring the irrelevent predictions, two out of five. Does Australia have a new psychic of the year yet? It sounds like we need one.

Categories: Projects » Web applications » Braveheart, Humour, Local and Politics

How to combat swine flu

The powerful pork lobby has managed to get the WHO to call the current worldwide influenza outbreak ‘Influenza A(H1N1)’ instead of swine flu, because they believe consumers may believe pork products are now unsafe.

Instead of asking for a confusing and unnecessary name change, Big Pork should be actively trying to get consumers eating more pork. Here is my idea of a poster for such a campaign:

It's our planet now!

Categories: Design & graphics, Humour and Projects » Graphics » Remixed propaganda

Fight the power

There are a few ways to get your hands on Kevin Rudd’s stimulus package. One is to qualify for the $900 tax bonus payment. Another is to be Thérèse Rein. But, there’s something else Australians can do to get free stuff from the government, and all you have to do is complete a little online form. Thanks to the Australian Better Health Initiative, you can get—wait for it—five free tape measures, to support your ‘event’. Alternatively, you can download a PDF, print it out in 6 pieces, and stick your own tape measure together.

Categories: Humour, Local, Politics and Suggestions

Psychic predictions

Tonight, viewers of Today Tonight were in for a treat: Australia’s psychic of the year, Stacey Demarco (who technically calls herself a witch), offered her predictions for the coming year. As the presenter promised, the details really were spine-tingling. There was one especially serious prediction, concerning Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd.

According to Today Tonight and the psychic, this year our fearless leader “may be beset with a serious, even fatal heart problem”. (One has to assume that Australia’s top psychic is not just referring to the rheumatic heart disease he already has a history of.)

While the language in the report is tentative, with a little analysis we can see that the prediction has simply been toned down to avoid alarming the viewing audience. The psychic recommends “better diet and exercise” for Kevin, but this warning brings up a potential paradox:

If Kevin heeds the warning and manages to take good care of his health, he won’t have heart problems in future. But, if he doesn’t have heart problems in the future, she wouldn’t have been able to predict them and warn him about it. Since the psychic has forseen heart problems in Kevin’s future, we know he’s definitely not going to heed her warning.

There’s no doubt about it: Kevin Rudd is in trouble.

I know the world’s thoughts are now with Kevin in his time of need, so I’ve created a centralised resource for everyone wanting to keep up-to-date with news on Kevin Rudd’s upcoming heart attack*:

braveheart.maestrosync.com

* Technical note: while the term ‘heart attack’ specifically refers to myocardial infarction, for simplicity, all life-threatening problems with Kevin Rudd’s heart will be included on the Kevin Rudd Memorial Heart Attack Counter.

Categories: Projects » Web applications » Braveheart, Humour, Local and Politics

The best table on Wikipedia

It’s this colour-coded table of every cheese mentioned in the Monty Python sketch and the reason it was not available.

Also.

Categories: Incidentals and Humour » The best of Wikipedia

The best redirect on Wikipedia

Emordnilap.

Categories: Incidentals and Humour » The best of Wikipedia

Change That’s Right Now

Change That’s Right Now is an organisation that helps people overcome their phobias. They must be good, because the website includes a very comprehensive list of phobias they claim to treat. I highly recommend checking out Change That’s Right Now if any of the following apply to you:

And, remember, “Fear Of Otters is usually caused by an intense negative experience from your past”.

Categories: Humour and Things I did not make » Websites

The best portrait on Wikipedia

This has been my favourite portrait on Wikipedia for a while. I found out about the guy depicted, John Mandeville, through reading about the Vegetable Lamb of Tartary and the history of cotton. According to Mandeville,

There grew there [India] a wonderful tree which bore tiny lambs on the endes of its branches. These branches were so pliable that they bent down to allow the lambs to feed when they are hungrie.

That paragraph itself is pretty great. I thought the accompanying illustration of the little lambs sprouting from the plant was good, but then I clicked through to Mandeville’s article:

Ridiculous or ridiculously cool? You decide.

Categories: Incidentals and Humour » The best of Wikipedia

The Holden Sportwagon

As the commercial says, it’s “a wagon with the word ’sport’ in front of it”.

Categories: Humour, Incidentals and Local

The best portrait formerly on Wikipedia

Bruce Edwards Ivins (April 22, 1946 — July 29, 2008), was a scientist for 36 years and senior biodefense researcher at the United States Army Medical Research Institute of Infectious Diseases (USAMRIID) in Fort Detrick, Maryland for 18 years. In July 2008 he reportedly committed suicide just as the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) was about to charge him with a crime and seek the death penalty for his alleged connection to the 2001 anthrax attacks, which killed five people and made 17 ill and terrorized the whole nation.

That’s the current opening paragraph for the Bruce Edwards Ivins article on Wikipedia and there’s nothing strange about it, unlike the image which accompanied when I checked it out earlier today:

An image of Bruce Ivins

As far as I can tell, an editor was WP:POINTing by adding this picture because fair use was disputed on an image he was trying to add to the article, but whatever. It’s a triumph, just like the uploader’s comment asserting it’s an “artistic interpretation of Bruce Edwards Ivins”.

Categories: Incidentals and Humour » The best of Wikipedia